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Reciprocity. It is the energetic and synergistic exchange of giving and receiving. It is a flow rooted from a sense of abundance, and the keen understanding of the mutual, connective and collective relationship between all things, including our own sense of self.. Most of us were taught about the gifts of giving, of being selfless, generous and kind, but what about the art and grace of receiving? Self sacrifice has often been upheld as a tenet to giving and unfortunately, it is misguided. Self sacrifice and overextension of self can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, overwhelm, and can potentially cause shame and self judgment for not being a "good enough person". Energetically, materially, emotionally, and physically, we cannot give what we do not have. One step further, when we are not paying attention to our own balance and harmony, it affects the balance and harmony of everything around us.
There is an energetic relationship between giving and receiving, and how we take care of ourselves is a crucial step in this art of reciprocity. To give is a joy void of obligation. It doesn't mean there aren't times we feel obligated to give, but it means that the feeling of authentic giving comes from a place that isn't bound by expectation. Authentic giving means the giver feels abundant enough to offer something to someone else without needing to receive anything in return. With this said, there is a way to care for ourselves in our acts of giving, and it is the ability to receive. To receive means to allow others to show us care, appreciation and attention. It means to graciously accept that we can be loved and are worthy of these gifts. Self worth is a birth right, but it is also something many of us lose on our way to adulthood (and perhaps spend a lifetime trying to get it back). Self worth comes from a committed practice in returning to self love by establishing a deep relationship with our bodies (embodiment), giving ourselves the time and willingness to slow down and take self care, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and receive from others.
We often forget that we must be first on the list in the kindness and care department. This means saying "no" to opportunities and others if we energetically feel depleted or spent. It means taking time instead to rest, reset, and replenish so we can operate from a state of wholeness and abundance. It means knowing the difference between caring for ourselves in a grounded and nourishing way, not a numbing and escapist way. How do we know the difference? How do we know it’s time to stop and slow down? Try asking "Do I feel abundant, nourished, and energetically whole?” If the answer is no, then ask “what do I need?” Perhaps if we ask these questions first before we offer to give, we will know better the difference between authentic giving and obligated giving. Perhaps if we ask these questions first, we can check-in with our ability to ask for help, as well as our willingness to receive from others.
Finally, reciprocity is also about not taking from something or someone else without permission, and not taking unless it is absolutely something you need. And if it is something you need and have permission to take, what can you give back in equal or higher return? In the Andean culture, this sacred reciprocity is called Ayni, and reflects the deep regard and respect for our environment, for Mother Earth, and for the beautiful resources, creatures and plants that we co-habit with. More about sacred reciprocity or Ayni can be found online here.
We are a go go go culture. We are a culture of obligation. We are a culture of giving without knowing how to receive, which often leads to resentment and depletion, and spirals into scarcity and lack. Learning the true meaning of reciprocity, not just within our own relationships, families and communities, but with the earth and our resources, can take us a long way in really knowing and feeling true abundance and authentic gratitude. With reciprocity, there is balance, mutuality and respect, for ourselves and others, allowing us to work, resolve, and co-create together. This almost sounds too dreamy, too unrealistic, but it isn't. It's a practice and a conscious choice, and it will take time. As always, it begins with us.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.