Our bodies talk to us all the time. Are we listening? Are we paying attention? As embodiment practices become more popular, many of us are finding greater attunement to our bodies, not just in a physical way, but a mental, emotional and spiritual way.
I feel its presence every day, some days stronger than others. It sits with me like an old friend who doesn’t need conversation, or to fill the space with meaningless chatter. Its presence gently reminds me to remember compassion for myself and others, to never forget grace and gratitude, and to make space for embodied attention.
It does happen, failure to feel grateful, I mean. There are times when our pain or anxiety is so strong, it’s easier to surrender into the downward spiral than reach out and grab hold to stay afloat. Many of us have been in the darkness before, and the familiarity can be a comfort, despite all the pain it invokes.
In my mind, no other emotion exposes my hidden truth more than anger. Anger, in all its fury, is powerful enough to turn us into something we are not, clandestine enough to hide and fester in our subconscious, and intense enough to bring explosive and destructive consequences, causing more shame, regret, pain, and grief.
Photo by Oliver Pacas on Unsplash
It’s the fur-lined hollow I look for, the soft space between panic and sleep that rocks me gently back to deeper waves of stillness. After all these years, you’d think we’d have this down pat by now. Those moments of sheer bliss, where fear and anxiety don’t exist had me fooled into thinking I’d never see them again, until I do. The stories that say we can rid ourselves of fear, anxiety, ego and doubt forever if we just do this or that, take this or that, become this or that, read this or that, heal this or that…are they true? Maybe for some. Maybe for some for a time. Maybe for others not even close. We are so different, and so many of us have experienced pain in ways that seem un-healable. So we search and search for something that makes it all better, something to help us heal. Perhaps it’s not a thing we have to become to heal. Perhaps what needs to change is perspective, and redefine what healing means.
Death and being with the dying has taught me this. Healing doesn’t always mean fixing. Healing does not always mean all better. Healing means a sanctuary of wholeness within the confines of our human and mortal body, within the confines of all the challenges that have changed us permanently. Healing means knowing how to come back to ourselves, to the essence of who we really are as a soul having a human experience. To come back to the things that authentically love and nurture us, even when we are still broken, even when fear and sadness tells you to run and hide.
It takes courage to do this. It takes resilience and vulnerability. It takes changing the definition of what “okay” looks like. It takes seeking joy and the pleasures of laughter and community, especially when it’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror. Maybe a phone call. Maybe a short visit by a friend. Maybe a terrible movie that gets you out of the house to feel the fresh air again. In this time, when pain and suffering are so readily available, when ego is so ready to pounce and take over our hearts and minds by never feeling enough, we fight back and say “NO” by leaning in to that soft place. That beautiful fur-lined space where we feel totally, utterly and lovingly held by grace and goodness, so that we may, once again, know ourselves.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.
Surrendering is my everyday practice. Surrendering ego, surrendering expectation, surrendering into a moment which might be wrought with the angst of unknowing, of not knowing. Surrender that I might have said the wrong things to my kids. Surrender that I ate too much sugar. Surrender that I miss loved ones so much it hurts.
Gratitude is not the same thing as happiness. Happiness is the sweet layer on top, the moments that comes with icing and sprinkles. But gratitude is something more. A wisdom that exists far below the surface, in the darker places, the places excavated by deep dives and less oxygen. Gratitude cannot be turned on like a light switch, nor is it meant to be a quick fix. It can't be "taught" to children, nor is it an ideal that can be used to incur shame. Gratitude is not a consolation prize. Gratitude is not a "fake it until you make it" or an “act as if” practice. Authentic gratitude, the kind that stirs like a rumble from deep within our core, is showing up to truth in a way that does not circumvent pain, replace loss, or negate the everyday existence of grief.
In a world where terrible things happen hourly, when things can suck at anytime, when grieving loss is a part of every single day of our lives, gratitude is not a cure all. It can be a life preserver, but it doesn't fix anything. Sometimes it comes easy, sometimes it doesn't come at all. The truth is, gratitude is usually found in the things that never last, the impermanent things, the things we get to hold for brief, savory moments, moments lined with the wisdom of knowing we'll eventually need to let it all go. Some might argue that it's only when we lose these things, that we begin to learn what gratitude really is.
By walking through challenge, by fumbling around lost in the dark, by losing the ones we love, by enduring pain, by knowing grief will never disappear, by living with unfairness and witnessing injustice, through anger, through doing the hard work of keeping it together, or falling apart, through surrender and forgiveness, only then do we get to know wisdom, only then do we get to know what it is we truly live for, only then do we get to feel gratitude at layers deep within our soul. Through these layers, through practice and presence, gratitude is an evolution of being, and a way of feeling, knowing we can never have it all, and finding love for something...everything, anyway.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.
Photo by Kyle Cottrell on Unsplash
November has arrived and we all know what that means. It means the flurry of the Holiday season is preparing to pounce upon us. It'll start with holiday decorations in the stores, the onslaught of junk mail from magazines, and the questions to-and-from family members -- "What do you want for Christmas / Hannukah / Kwanza, etc.?"
This also means holiday cheer, the anticipation of gathering with friends and family, the joy of tradition, and remembering that behind all the commercial craziness, there is a deeper meaning and purpose for this time of year. For me, the season is about gratitude, togetherness, family, love, and kindness, and I cannot embody these things if I get swept away in the anxiety of busy-ness, the drama of what's happening in our country today, and the pettiness of the little annoyances I cannot control.
I believe SO much in the impact we have on others just by remembering our own centeredness, our own integrity and conviction in remaining true to who we really are. How do we find peace when the tendency towards chaos, drama, or fight/flight is so palpable and eager to consume?
For me, the best I can do is knowing how to come back to my center. What tools will I employ to re-establish balance once I've teetered off....because I will teeter off.
But first, how do we know when we are off center? What does it feel like? What happens to our body? What happens to our mind? What do we do? What do we say to ourselves? I know when I’m off center because that’s when the negative self-talk happens, or when I start to blame others, or flashes of anger appear out of nowhere, or my need for something sugary is heightened. When I recognize the signs, and sometimes it takes awhile, instead of perseverating on the problem, I ask myself, WHAT DO I NEED RIGHT NOW?
It is a compassionate question, a question that means “Hey, I know this is not who you really are, so what do you need to help you find you again?” Sometimes what I need is just a moment (or several moments) to stop what I am doing and breathe. To stop the incessant chatter in my head knowing it accomplishes nothing. To listen to the silence and feel the stillness, to get back into my body and FEEL. Maybe it means getting something wholesome to eat. Maybe it means going for a walk, or pulling out the gratitude journal, or going to a dance or yoga class, or canceling plans to honor some solitude. Whatever it is, whatever we need to find center, we must listen to our bodies, pay attention and take the time to know wholeness again, even for just a few minutes.
This is a Lifelong Practice, but we will get better at it if we commit to it, knowing we are worth it. Being compassionate with ourselves, allowing room for imperfection and allowing space to return to center is imperative to survive the holidays, to survive anything.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.
TRUTH is a lifelong practice. Seeing ourselves as we truly are is not easy. Ego offers shades to soften and hide what is real, and what is real is that we are all broken in some way. But the brokenness isn't about shame, it's about healing. When we really see our truth and can sit with it, then we can begin to heal.
HEALING is a lifelong practice. No quick fixes. It doesn’t matter what or who ails us, or where it began, a wound is a wound, it all hurts, and it can show up anywhere at any time. And healing doesn’t mean curing. Sometimes healing means acceptance and forgiveness. Healing never stops, not as long as we are being truthful.
GRIEF is a lifelong practice. Grief is promised to us from the moment we were born. Many of us carry it and don’t even realize it. If you are sad, you are grieving, if you are angry, you are grieving, if you are numbing with alcohol, drugs, sex, tv, games, gambling, etc., you might be avoiding. Grief is alive in all of us and needs to be heard. See Healing.
FORGIVENESS is a lifelong practice. Forgiveness is part of our path to healing and freedom. I once heard a wise woman (Brené Brown) say “In order for forgiveness to happen, something else needs to die.” Expectation. Old stories that no longer serve. What we think we deserve. When we replace how we think something or someone should be, with how it actually is, knowing we can’t control it, change it, fix it, then we can begin to forgive. See Healing. Then see Love.
JUDGMENT is a lifelong practice. Judgment is poison. We learn it from our environment, the people around us, our conditioned minds, and it happens rampantly Every. Single. Day. To stop judging is a lifelong practice and it begins right now, moment to moment by paying attention to our thoughts. Stop judging our bodies, imperfections, aging. Stop judging our past or present, stop judging our children, other people who seemingly have it better or worse, stop judging our partners, parents, stop judging the person in the car next to you. No one wins when we give in to judgment. We all do it. Catch yourself, stop yourself. Judgment is a dirty band-aid for ego that never sticks. See Forgiveness. See Truth.
LOVE is a lifelong practice. We are creators, carriers and vessels of love. Authentic love is unconditional, powerful, expansive, and unending. The truth is, if we really practiced true unconditional love consistently, there would be no room for ego or judgment. But we are human, so love is a practice and a superpower requiring energetic balance. If we constantly give to others without tending to ourselves, our vessel becomes empty, tired, and resentful, and the imbalance eventually becomes harmful. If the love we need is only taken from others, if we are dependent and expectant of others to fill that void in our vessel, we become vampires, exhausting the ones around us, which is also harmful. Finding unconditional love for ourselves and ALL others is the greatest and hardest practice of all, requiring us to look again and again at how we do human.
How we look at truth, especially the painful ones, how we tend to healing our pain, or our grief, how we forgive, or manage our judgment of self and others, and how we love, are all our practices for being human. Being human is a gift, an imperfectly perfect practice not meant to be done alone. We reflect each other and can support, uplift and help one another, we just need to keep practicing. Make mistakes, but keep practicing.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.
I finally understand it. No one is waiting for me to be better. No one actually needs me to do anything. I become who I am when I stop caring who I am not. I become who I am because I let go of the fear, the judgements, the masks, the story that I am not yet the best version of myself. Authenticity is not about remolding, fixing, studying, chasing success, and working hard to be a better version.
Authenticity, aliveness and true happiness is stepping in to the awareness, presence, and embodiment that our truest self is underneath all that chasing, all that noise and busy-ness. We are already amazing and whole, beautiful and perfect. To truly know thyself, is to feel this in its infinite capacity.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.
BY MISA TERRAL
Connection. We crave to be seen, to belong, to have meaningful relationships with depth and mutuality. When we finally find it, we begin to understand what true acceptance and community feels like. We feel at home, we get comfortable, and then.... something shifts. We experience the laws of impermanence and feel the attachment, in all its heartache and heartbreak. It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve felt it before, we will feel it again..
We would be unrecognizable without the teachings of our past attachments. From attachment, we learn more about ourselves than maybe we were prepared for. What grows as consequence is awareness, and a wisdom that separates the conscious from the unconscious, mindfulness from distraction, and true, deep and meaningful connection wary of blind attachment. Sooner or later, hopefully we can recognize our ego and it's need to define and own, name or cling, and know that each connection is an precious gift not meant to last.
Connections are not something we possess, nor are they things that define us, not if we are truly aware and paying attention. They make us better, transform us, and then they move on. What separates connection from attachment is if we can fully give ourselves to an experience, with all our love, kindness, generosity, forgiveness and our most authentic self, without expecting anything in return. Is this hard? Very, but it is our work from the start.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.
BY MISA TERRAL
Abundance. When wishing for abundance, it's not uncommon to think it means wishing for "more" of something. More money, more time, more joy, more peace, more clarity, more love, more freedom.... We know better now, don't we?
When we embrace gratitude as a living breathing practice, it changes our life in a way we never expected. We begin to see abundance everywhere, and in everything. What we have becomes plenty, what we are becomes enough, and what surrounds us becomes a living ceremony, worth paying attention to and honoring every minute we are alive. This is true gratitude and abundance, where our hearts and souls are filled just by the air we breathe, or the people we meet, the food we eat, the rising sun, the body that carries us.
This is not white-knuckled optimism, no, this is a total, honest shift in consciousness, and it’s available to anyone. It almost sounds Disney-like and fairytale, I know, but the road to living a grateful life is not meant to be easy. Simple, yes, but not easy. It doesn’t mean we don’t get triggered, resentful or angry, or grief-stricken. We will question over and again why things happen. What is remarkable is the shift in perspective, even in the anger, because we understand fully that things don’t last. Abundance lives in knowing that nothing lasts or stays the same. This is the paradox. It’s a reconditioning of the mind, a consistent exercise in paying attention and a whole plethora of forgiveness and letting go.
So where to begin? It begins with the consistent and earnest practice of saying "thank you". Every day, to every thing. Physically and mentally pause, say it, or write it down. What moves you, right here, right now? Let it become your mantra, let it become your treasure hunt. Pay attention. Abundance surrounds you.
Learn more about how to start your own gratitude practice in our guide.
We are so imperfect, still just kids really, making mistakes which leave us scratching our heads thinking....haven’t we been here before? Somewhere along the line we were sold an idea that happiness can be measured in milestones, money, accomplishments and accolades. For authentic happiness, there is no such thing. Such things can bring entitlement, such things can bring expectation, harsh self judgement--and hence harsh judgement of others. Such things can give the illusion of control and such things can bring the word “deserve” into play.
